I pride myself in my ability to make others feel good about themselves.
Sometimes, unfortunately, it seems some miss interpret my well meaning friendly gestures as something more, and start getting feelings for me. Unfounded feelings.
This is why I have a phrase I quite often say when ever I get to know someone new, and that is "Do yourself a favor, don't fall for me." This is something I've been saying, and meaning for many years now.
Now some might read this and think "man this guy is a douchebag for believing everyone falls for him." Well, I can quite literally off the top of my head mention 14 seperate cases over the past 6 years where this exact thing has happened, so my saying this is quite well founded.
Regardless, when ever this happens, most of the time it ends up with someone getting hurt because I quite honestly don't feel the same way as they apparently feel for me.
This again makes me feel bad because I have to say let these people know that I don't feel the same way, and that in turn hurts their feelings. And I hate having to hurt someones feelings.
I can't say I don't enjoy it. I mean I enjoy the feeling of having someone else feel good about themselves because of something I say/do. This is for instance why I love giving gifts that are special and bring up memories that me and that person have in common. Something personal.
Is this selfish behaviour, I am starting to wonder?
It's definitely not selfless behaviour. I do gain something from it, right, so does that mean it's selfish of me to give compliments and generally be nice to someone?
It's not like I don't warn them.
It's often one of the first things I say to pretty much anyone.
Then again, perhaps me saying "do yourself a favor and don't fall for me" is the exact reason why they do? Some kind of bizzare reverse psychology. I don't know. I really have no idea.
Sometimes, though, I do get to know these people more intimately and I sometimes develope feelings for them as well. But is this because of the returned well meaning friendly gestures or are these feelings truly founded in something more?
I wish I knew where the line is supposed to be drawn.
Not out of the desire to avoid stepping over it accidentaly.
But because I in certain cases wish I could do it, just to see their reactions when they knew I had stepped over the line. To me that would be a more clearly defined indication of whether or not the feelings are well founded or if they are fleeting.
One of the biggest issues is the fact that I'm actually not that nice of a person once you get to know me, and the fact is that most of the time they fall for the "Idea" of Alex rather than the actual person Alex.
I try to tell them this but, that rarely really sticks. Bah.